How to Free Yourself from Others Negativity.

[pollyanna]

It seems only a brief moment since "The season of goodwill to all men" and even less from a new year for good resolutions.

I just heard from some friends how offended and hurt they were by the insensitive and offensive way they have recently been treated by their family or friends and I sent them a copy of "The Good Life" that was sent out by Michael about 2 or 3 months ago. I think what he said can be really helpful

If you have anyone treating you in a similar way, here is a really helpful message I've copied from Michael:-

How to Free Yourself from Others Negativity.

"Don’t let other people wear you down. If you think that’s easier said than done please read on.

The way to free yourself from the unpleasant affects of other people’s negative energy is to recognize and love yourself as you are, and to accept other people as they are and see them for where they can be.

As you live more consciously through regular meditation you will love finding the real peaceful and happy you.

You have total choice in every moment as to how you act in response to any situation. If someone throws their negativity at you by criticizing, condemning or taunting you, it is up to you what you do about it.

By placing your attention on them, (even to show them how dreadful, incorrect, and unpleasant they are for doing what they’re doing to you) you are feeding that negative energy and engaging in a feedback loop that brings increased negativity back on yourself.

You don’t have to diffuse the situation, or correct the other person’s perceptions. You just have to diffuse your own emotional charge about their perceptions. Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into their charge or you will be giving them way too much power over you.

Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. If someone criticizes you, just remind yourself that it’s their ego, map of reality or belief system. Everyone’s got one, and everyone’s entitled to theirs. You don’t have to believe theirs. You only have to believe yours.

Chances are, more often than not, the negativity we perceive as coming at us from another person was not even intended. We all communicate differently, but we all communicate from the same place – our own individual map of reality, our unique experience and perspective of life and the world.

Most of the time, when someone’s talking to you, they’re not even paying much attention to you at all. They’re stuck inside their own heads (their map of reality, their unique experiences and perspectives), speaking to themselves, and you just happen to be the one present to witness it, the mirror off which they’re bouncing their own reflection. In other words: it’s not about you – even when they say it is.

Allow someone to have their drama. You don’t have to make it yours. If you cannot tolerate being in the presence of it, remove yourself from its presence. Otherwise, just let it happen like the weather.

Cloudy or sunny, your day goes on. Attention is energy. What makes the storms around you linger, what makes them worse, is when you feed them with your attention. Let the storms brewing around you blow over you, and they will blow over.

Ignore them. Let it slide. Turn around and walk away. You don’t need to think of the right response, or the positive thing to say. Say nothing. It’s hard, but it works. Even if your silence only infuriates the perpetrator of the negativity, that’s over there, that’s them.



You can be an oasis of peace even in the presence of choppy, shark infested waters.


Yours for HUGE meditation success,

Michael Mackenzie."


I wish you an abundance of joy and happiness in 2009

[filly33]

Excellent. I love the reminders that all my drama comes from me. Sometimes I forgot (I think my ego tries to make me forget because it is the most important realization I've had yet). It wasn't till just recently actually that I realized when I think about how other people see me, its really how I see myself. Quite amazing that I've lived that way for a long time. Thanks Polly.

Mitch

[Edwin]

Michael should make a book from his " The Good Life " emails

Thanks Pollyanna you are the best !

[Alison88]

Hi Pollyanna,

I loved it when Michael originally sent this out and have loved just being reminded of it by you

What wise words and so very true.

Thank you.

Alison x

[pollyanna]

Hi Mitch, Edwin and Alison, I agree they are very wise words and it helps to go over some of them from time to time. Yes Edwin, I think a book would be a great aid if Michael could put one together. Have an amazing day

[WeeHoo]

Thanks so much for posting this. I've heard/read this in other contexts, and I need all the reminders I can get about the way this works! When my daughters are fighting with each other (which seems to happen REALLY often around here) I have trouble holding onto my self-control. Plus their fighting really sucks the joy out of my mood. Still have some work to do, I guess...

[blueskygal]

"You don’t have to diffuse the situation, or correct the other person’s perceptions. You just have to diffuse your own emotional charge about their perceptions. Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into their charge or you will be giving them way too much power over you."

This is good to hear. Jesus said to "turn the other cheek" and to resist not evil. i am in a familiar situation in a training class where a group of young people have decided that i'm the target for whatever reason and I feel that I am in a schoolyard once again.

I don't know how people justify this to themselves (ganging up on someone) and I don't think much of people who engage in this. Still it seems to be human behavior.

So i am going to smile at each and every one of them (there are 5-6 of them). This drives them nuts. there is no reason why i should take on their negativity.

[Bhavya]

Good for you blueskygal!

[BrantSanser]

Good advice Pollyanna

However...

While we may be able to divorce ourselves from negativity arriving from strangers or acquaintances, doing so in relationships with friends and family, in which we have investments, can be a different thing entirely. Not only can this demonstrate a distinct lack of communication, it can also foster anger and resentment between both parties.

Far better to listen to both points of view and continue a dialogue. We have to accept that we have a part to play in our relationships and that what we do and say influences those around us.

I'm reminded of this fable:

The North Wind and the Sun once had a competition to decide who was the stronger of the two. The challenge was set to make a passing traveller uncloak. However hard the North Wind blew at the traveller, the traveler only wrapped himself tighter. But when the Sun shone with warmth, the traveller was overcome with heat and had to take his cloak off. The moral of the fable is:

"Persuasion is better than force. The complete moral of this is "Kindness, gentleness, and persuasion win where force fails.""

Conflict of opinion is a necessary evil of human society. Taken constructively, it removes us from ourselves and opens us up to new ideas and ideals. If we only listen and gravitate towards those who continually stroke our egos, we wander a dangerous path, as that could actually lead to closed minds and even prejudice.

[pollyanna]

Hi Brant, only just seen your perspective on "How to Free Yourself from Others Negativity" and I agree with you, it's important to listen to each point of view, including those of new people we meet to enable us to understand one another.

However, if someone throws their negativity at you (family member or stranger) by criticizing, condemning or taunting you, it is up to you what you do about it.

Or put another way, it's not what happens - it's how you handle it.

My perspective on this piece is allow someone to have their drama. Accept that it's only their ego or maybe their "painbody" as Eckhart calls it. You still love and accept the person but you don't have to accept the criticizing, condemning or taunting.

As you become more aware through regular meditation you have the choice to react sub-consciously with your own ego or painbody (making matters worse by increasing negative energy), consciously respond by being aware of the situation or if you cannot tolerate being in the presence of it, remove yourself from its presence.

By becoming more aware I believe you can differentiate between the person you care about and their and your ego, giving you more choices to build relationships rather than tear them down with the drama which will only cause later regrets.

This is how I understand it anyway - hope it makes it more clear for you and I wish you peace, joy and much awareness on your journey