A brief moment...

[Edwin]

I had an experience last night.

Nothing big, nothing special, but enough to, at least for a few seconds, scare the heck out of me.

I had been meditating ( without LifeFlow ) for roughly an hour. After that, I turned to the book by Paul Wilson, "the Quiet" ( this time with LifeFlow ). Actually this is 2 books, the first book is basically about the different meditation techniques in the world, stripped from religion or beliefts, just the techniques, the second book is all about enlightenment and ways to get there.

As I have allready chosen a way of meditation that I enjoy, book 2 is the most interesting for me.
Through a series of techniques, my now relaxed mind was thrown in the deep to try and grasp what cannot be grasped.
Questions like:

-Who am I
-What is "I" anyway: Body, mind, soul ? Or something even deeper ?

Of course these questions are meant as something like a roadsign towards the "endgoal", "enlightenment".

After doing these exercises for about an hour, I decided it was time to go to bed. I could somehow feel what the book was about, but not understand it. The book says, and most "enlightened masters" say just about the same, that it is impossible for the mind to understand. As soon as you have this insight, the mind numbs and goes quiet.

The last chapter of the book says that a moment of insight might come today, in a year, or in 20 years, but the moment will come, as soon as you stop looking for enlightenment.

Crap.

Why do all spiritual "masters" have to be such a tease ?

So, I went upstairs. While brushing my teeth, I suddenly understood the duality of wanting to "reach" enlightenment.
We only live in this constantly changing and moving moment called "Now".
Since you can't predict when the insight will come, it can only come when the future turns into now. But we can't predict the future, we can only accept what is happening Now.
I let go of my wanting to reach enlightenment. It wasn't going to happen, because it can only happen Now, and at that moment, the Now was absolutely enlightenment-free. My mind was racing, feelings were tumbling over each other, I was very busy. I felt a mix of relief and disappointment, glad not having to search for enlightenment anymore, but sad it wasn't going to happen.

As I was slowly warming up my bed with my body ( its freezing in Holland ) I thought back at what the book said about the concept of "I".
It's like peeling back the layers of an union, you slowly turn deeper inwards.
The concept itself is that when you are looking at who I am, it can't be you if you can be aware of it. It is like a camera, it can't take a picture of itself, only it's surroundings. Thus, that part of us that is "aware" has to be "blind" to itself. If you can "see" it, it's not you.

After that, you start peeling back the layers of the union.
You start with your body:

-I am aware of my body, the feelings and sensations of it.
So, my body can't be "me".

-I can observe my senses like sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch, so that isn't "me" either.

-During meditation I have frequently been aware of my thoughts, so that can't be "me". In fact, I have been able to bring them to rest several times, and I didn't cease to exist.

-Along with the mind, the emotions that usually race through me, can be observed as well ! Sometimes they creep up on me, take me over as does the mind, but when I observe them, they too stop. So my emotions can't be "me".

-According to my beliefs, I have a soul. It was the way I was raised.
But would I be able to be aware of my soul ?

During meditation, I could not feel a "me" when the thoughts and emotions became silent. However last night, lying in my bed, I tried to picture my soul, and as soon as I had an image of my soul, I became aware of it. My soul isn't me either ?
As soon as I became aware of my soul, I could feel that my soul seemed to be "basking in light", don't know how to describe it differently. It felt like the very source of Life, of existance somehow. But where was it coming from ?
Suddenly I remembered that our concept of matter is an illusion, that our body's are made of atoms, and that atoms in itself are space, with a core that might even be nothing according to scientists. I could suddenly feel that source of life, that power shine it's "light" through the space inside the atoms of my body, and my entire body started to feel warm and tingly. This sensation was so strong, that it scared me for a few seconds. Then I remembered that what I was feeling was nothing to be scared about, it was always there, I just didn't notice it before. The feeling seemed to deepen, and I was aware that my thoughts and emotions seemed to stop by themself. I felt warm and comfortable, happy and light. Suddenly I realised that the same energy was flowing through my blankets, my matras, the house, the earth it stood on, and it's vibration was aligned with the speed of time. It became clear what the "Power of Now" really meant, even tho it can't be explained now.
It was an increadible experience and I piecefully fell asleep.

This morning I woke up without all that . It must have been what Zen calls "Kensho":
Source Wikipedia:

Kenshō (見性) (C. Wu) is a Japanese term for enlightenment experiences—most commonly used within the confines of Zen Buddhism.

Most commonly used within the confines of Zen Buddhism—literally meaning "seeing one's nature"[1] or "true self."[2] It generally "refers to the realization of nonduality of subject and object."[3] Frequently used in juxtaposition with satori (or, "catching on"),[4] there is sometimes a distinction made between the two in that some consider satori to be qualitatively deeper.[2] Kenshō itself has been said to be "...a blissful realization where a person's inner nature, the originally pure mind, is directly known as an illuminating emptiness, a thusness which is dynamic and immanent in the world."[4] Kenshō experiences are tiered, in that they escalate from initial glimpses into the nature of mind, on to an experience of emptiness, and then perhaps on to Buddhahood.

I tried to bring the feeling back, by focusing on my breathing, bring peace back, but it didn't work this morning.

It feels like a once in a lifetime experience, and maybe it was. I might never experience this feeling again.

However I have finally seen a glimpse of what lies beneath my thoughts and emotions... Could it be possible that I will experience this again ?

Who knows...

Has anyone else had a brief moment like this or maybe completely different but equally inspiring ?

[filly33]

Look back at what you've said here. You gave up the looking, the wanting and trying to get to a point you had not experienced yet, and what happened, you experienced something that yes, I have experienced before (I listened to my favourite band and had the time of my life) though it was a very short glimpse. Anyways, It seems to me that you are only hammering the point that there is no future to enlightenment. Many things are needed to accept that truth, and slowly they are peeled away. You say that you tried to get that feeling back in the morning and so long as you try, it will never come, I'll be the first to remind you of that truth and I hope you will always point me in the right direction (though, you have, since I've met you, and I thank you for that).

I've seen in the past couple weeks that Eckhart was not lying when he said living was easy. It's accepting the life that was given to you that is hard.

Anyways, I hope this helps and I didn't come across harsh at all. Good luck.

Mitch

[Edwin]

thanks for the kick in the behind, I needed that

You are so right !

I will try to simply meditate tonight and see what happens... Maybe the small breakthrough yesterday evening will speed up the process

[filly33]

I'm so jealous. I've never experienced anything quite like what you described, just small moments. It reminds me of the start of "The Power Of Now" when Eckhart describes how he lost his ego and then fell into a deep sleep.

I think a lot of the time we forget the basic things we've learned because once we've accomplished what we set out to do we feel the need to move on or to get better at it. I think that to do this we need to take a step back and look at what is right in front of us, not past us or behind us. You've definitely accomplished something here. Keep on posting, I'm interested in what happens.

I still haven't given up the wanting and I applaud you for doing it. It was probably a very hard realization. This is such a strange journey eh. Every time I get close I fall behind again. I wish you all the luck.

By the way, new name change. Check it out.

Mitch

[Montana Keith]

Edwin, my friend, thank you so much for sharing your experience here. The profundity of your words remind me of an excerpt I read and recorded from Thomas Merton’s book New Seeds of Contemplation. In case you are unfamiliar with Thomas Merton, he was a Trappist monk who lived from 1915 to 1968. Shortly before his accidental death in 1968, Thomas Merton met with his Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama said later that he never realized Christians were spiritual until he met Merton. Here was a Christian monk completely unlike any Christian the Dalai Lama had ever met before. He found openness in Merton rarely seen in other Christians.

“The deepest level of communication is not communication, but communion . . . It is beyond words . . .
We are already one.”

Thomas Merton

Here is the excerpt that reminds me of what you wrote. Take care. -Keith

. . . Our reality, our true self, is hidden in what appears to us to be nothingness and void. What we are not seems to be real, what we are seems to be unreal. We can rise above this unreality, and recover our hidden identity. And that is why the way to reality is the way of humility which brings us to reject the illusory self and accept the "empty" self that is "nothing" in our eyes and in the eyes of men, but is our true reality in the eyes of God: for this reality is "in God" and "with Him" and belongs entirely to Him. Yet of course it is ontologically (relating to or based upon being or existence) distinct from Him, and in no sense part of the divine nature or absorbed in that nature.

This inmost self is beyond the kind of experience which says "I want, " "I love," "I know," "I feel." It has its own way of knowing, loving and experiencing which is a divine way and not a human one, a way of identity, of union, of "espousal," in which there is no longer a separate psychological individuality drawing all good and all truth toward itself, and thus loving and knowing for itself. Lover and Beloved are "one spirit."

Therefore, as long as we experience ourselves in prayer as an "I" standing on the threshold of the abyss of purity and emptiness that is God, waiting to "receive something" from Him, we are still far from the most intimate and secret unitive knowledge that is pure contemplation.

From our side of the threshold this darkness, this emptiness, look deep and vast—and exciting. There is nothing we can do about entering it. We cannot force our way over the edge, although there is no barrier.

But the reason is perhaps there is also no abyss.

There you remain, somehow feeling that the next step will be a plunge and you will find yourself flying in interstellar space.

When the next step comes, you do not take the step, you don not know the transition, you do not fall into anything. You do not go anywhere, and so you do not know the way by which you got there or the way by which you come back afterward. You are certainly not lost. You do not fly. There is no space, or there is all space: it makes no difference.

The next step is not a step.

You are not transported from one degree to another.

What happens is that the separate entity that is you apparently disappears and nothing seems to be left but a pure freedom indistinguishable from infinite Freedom, love identified with Love. Not two loves, one waiting for the other, striving for the other, seeking for the other, but Love Loving in Freedom.

Would you call this experience? I think you might say that this only becomes an experience in a man’s memory. Otherwise it seems wrong even to speak of it as something that happens. Because things that happen have to happen to some subject, and experiences have to be experienced by someone. But here the subject of any divided or limited or creature experience seems to have vanished. You are not you, you are fruition. If you like, you do not have an experience, you become Experience: but that is entirely different, because you no longer exist in such a way that you can reflect on yourself or see yourself having an experience, or judge what is going on, if it can be said that something is going on that is not eternal and unchanging and an activity so tremendous that it is infinitely still.

And here all adjectives fall to pieces. Words become stupid. Everything you say is misleading—unless you list every possible experience and say: “That is not what it is.” “That is no what I am talking about.”

Metaphor has now become hopeless altogether. Talk about “darkness” if you must: but the thought of darkness is already too dense and coarse. Anyway, it is no longer darkness. You can speak of “emptiness” but that makes you think of floating around in space: and this is nothing spatial.

What it is, is freedom. It is perfect love. It is pure renunciation. It is the fruition of God. (New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton, pp. 287-290)

[Edwin]

Thanks Keith, that was special !

As wonderfull as the experience was, I won't call it enlightenment.
It might have been a hint in the right direction, but no more.

I wouldn't know if enlightenment feels better, or the same, or even less.

I am somehow sure that there is something more to it than what I experienced yesterday. I am definately not "there" yet.

[Edwin]

Originally Posted by filly33

I'm so jealous. I've never experienced anything quite like what you described, just small moments. It reminds me of the start of "The Power Of Now" when Eckhart describes how he lost his ego and then fell into a deep sleep.

There are similarity's but when he woke up he was enlightened, I was depressed

I think a lot of the time we forget the basic things we've learned because once we've accomplished what we set out to do we feel the need to move on or to get better at it. I think that to do this we need to take a step back and look at what is right in front of us, not past us or behind us. You've definitely accomplished something here. Keep on posting, I'm interested in what happens.

Somehow it feels as if I have to look for a new experience rather than the same. What I learned in that brief moment yesterday evening is that nothing is ever the same, ever. I can never copy yesterday because I am in the Now. I knew this with my mind, but now I can "feel" it as well somehow. actually, I am not so sure it is gone now... this is weird !

I still haven't given up the wanting and I applaud you for doing it. It was probably a very hard realization. This is such a strange journey eh. Every time I get close I fall behind again. I wish you all the luck.

By the way, new name change. Check it out.

Mitch

I wanted to break through yesterday evening. I had meditated for an hour, and spent another whole hour on exercises and trying to get insights with lot of effort. Basically, I was fed up with it, and the wanting to reach it so badly made me actually feel a bit relieved that I didn't have to search anymore. The thought gave me enlightenment.
I think the trick also was to keep the mind busy with the road to enlightenment for an hour. I had my mind working for me instead of the other way around. Sure, it was busy, but not with "useless" thoughts. I used my mind as a way to go further. Just like an enlightened person will do. Use the mind instead of allowing the mind to use you.

Or maybe the moon was aligned just right or it was something I ate !

Like the name btw

[Bhavya]

Hi Edwin
Your experience was a little bit similar to one that I had. I'm going out on a limb here to try and explain it though it's really hard to describe!

I'd been listening to Mooji on utube and some DVDs so was pretty saturated with the energy of Self Inquiry. Then I meditated, and for the first time decided to recline so that my head and neck were supported and more relaxed than usual, listening to LF 7 on the stereo and using the same technique as you described- asking "Who am I" etc.

Then, it started to become so clear. Like focusing a lens and really seeing. No I wasn't the body. Experiencing that. And I wasn't the mind. I was awareness, attending to these phenomena. The energy was really getting strong and I could have rested in that but something was pulling me to continue...so I was inquiring, Is there a me? I could feel my heart center absolutely radiant, warm....words are so inadequate!...pouring out warmth, like the sun and I was pure love...but was still observing so I'm not that either...having that but not that. Going on from there: no form, no location, no boundary - only out and out, into the infinitude... indescribable, having no qualities just boundless space, pure energy that was somehow pregnant with possibility but unborn...

That energy stayed with me all evening. Better than anything I'd ever experienced. I was really high, unlike any other high I'd ever had. And like you, it went away - the experience ended, ephemeral, and I was back, identified with conditioned existence.... yet leaving a certainty that I'd had a glimpse of Truth and that I am already That. I trust that more detachment from mind will come leading me more and more into the experiencing. I don't think there's anywhere to go. We're already there but still too focused on the pull of life in the body.

I didn't get the glimpse like you had into the energy inside all the forms - the bed, the house the earth. Somehow I just shot out into space. Must be the astronaut in me It's curious how it must be the same Truth for all of us, but coming through our individuality we get differences. But it's all pretty tastey.

So grateful for you and everyone else here, sharing insights and experiences...grateful for Michael for creating these tracks, putting all of it together...grateful for all the spiritual teachers I 've known who have modeled Truth. And thankful for the Force that's calling all of us Home to rest in Who we really Are!

Bhavya

[Montana Keith]

Bhavya,
Thank you so much for taking time and sharing your experience here. Over the last few months that I've become acquainted with you through this forum, I've noticed and benefitted greatly from your insights and the kindness and respect you extend. You have made and continue to make a positive difference in my life. Thank you.

The experience you related remind me of an experience I had a couple of years ago. Here is the experience and a poem that it inspired. Take care. --Keith

Sunday, October 30, 2005: These last few weeks, I have been moving and shifting a lot of “personal stuff.” I have had some amazing breakthroughs which have helped me to understand myself and others better. As I was driving to work Friday morning, October 28th, I had a transcendent experience. As such it is difficult to find words which adequately describe what I experienced. Anyway, as I was driving south on 200 East in Lindon and just before I dropped down into that coulee where those small deer are fenced in, I experienced a dramatic shift in perspective. For a brief moment it was as though a veil had been lifted. Everything appeared brighter and more real. Because the physical sun was not fully up yet, the morning light was still muted and gray. However, a spiritual light suddenly broke through. I remember seeing the yellow leaves of the cottonwoods to my right growing an even brighter and more distinct yellow. I looked to my left and saw the Wasatch Mountains. They suddenly became more bright and real than I’d ever seen before. The experience was so strong I started crying; it was so beautiful and joyful that I just started laughing. I had finally gotten “it.” And “it” was so simple, I wondered why I hadn’t realized it before. For a brief moment I had a glimpse of eternity, and I was home—home at last.



"A Psalm"
(Written by Keith Jensen on Sunday, October 30, 2005, at 0800 AM while sitting on the green couch in the family room of our home in Lindon, Utah)

And the music plays rich and sweet and deep.
Light shines brightly, purely, beautifully.
From a fountain of shining water, I drink deep.
For a moment, I see a glimpse of eternity.

I dance and laugh and sing.
For a brief moment, I remember.
Like bright silver bells, the truth rings.
I laugh and cry and remember.

From a sleep, I begin to awake.
Everything looks the same and yet more real than before.
It is so beautiful—almost more than I can take.
A window replaces a once closed door.

Fear is burned away by the bright light of love.
I feel a connection with everything and everyone.
God’s love descends peacefully like a dove.
I remember hearing the words, “It is done.”

In this moment, I’m home—truly home at last.
And I want to stay—Oh, how I want to stay
To never go out again and feel all alone as in the past.
Oh God, please help me to not forget this moment I pray.

Help me remember and connect with your love each day.
Through silence may I learn to hear the music clearly,
And may colors bright and alive replace somber gray.
As I am loved, may I love purely and joyfully.

[Edwin]

It sounds so much like my own experience Bhavya !
The "realisation" that everything had the same "light of God" flowing through it was because at that moment I felt and was aware of that light going through my body. As I started noticing all these wonderfull sensations at the same time, a small itch on my toe, wonderfull, my hands seemingly glowing with heat as if they are little stoves,also wonderfull, I also became aware of the blanket covering my body, slightly touching my chin. Suddenly the blanket was a part of me, not seperate, I have no idea how to describe it...

Keith, Holland has beautifull places, but I think I would be so gratefull to live in your inspiring surroundings. How can one not have an experience like yours in your country ! Would you consider organising retreats from your home ?

Thank you both so much for sharing !