Understanding an old fear

[Michael David]

Abinivesa can be translated as the fear of letting go of self-image.

I came across this word a few days ago and was immediately stuck by how it resonated with a feeling/sensation that I become acutely aware of whenever I am about to start a weekend retreat or yoga program. As soon as I drive up to the entrance of the retreat center I have this odd feeling/sensation of being anxious. When I read about the term abinivesa it seemed to fit. Although I did associate the sensation with a routine concern of mine of being in a new place and meeting new people and new ideas I did not associate it with a fear of letting go of self-image. Somehow having this new understanding has resolved this issue and has expanded it to include other moments of a routine day.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Michael

[Panthau]

I can relate to that... for me its an inner resistance, something that wants me to run away.

Guess it happens to most people, if not everybody. Its natural that the mind fears to lose control, isnt it?

[Michael David]

Hi Panthau

I am beginning to sense that the "fear factor" that I had become aware of was not just related to big changes such as going on a retreat but to each moment of the day. There seems to be a certain sense of comfort or affinity with whatever my mind is thinking in any particular moment. However, to be present in this moment I would have to let go of the attachment to what was happening in the previous moment. And that is the rub. Whatever that thought was in the previous moment there seems to be a stickiness to it even if it was an unpleasant thought.

By letting go of the fear of letting go and letting it merely be (as it was) I can flow into this moment as a fresh new moment and be mindful as if it were the first moment.

Michael

[Panthau]

Sounds true to me, though i never investigated into this very much

If it would be so easy to completly let go of the conscious and unconscious thought streams...