You know what I mean?

[Kauil]

Self-doubt seems to be expressed in a myriad of ways. Today I thought of two ways that seem to have a polarity to them.

"...you know"
"I mean..."

Very easy to hear them when other people talk, more difficult to point them out in your own talking. Both express self-doubt, I would say.

"You know" is seems to be an aggressive manouver, whereas "I mean" is a defensive action. Are there people who use both just as frequently, or can a division be made between aggressive/defensive talkers? Exterverted/introverted? Are these two useful tools in a conversation, or unnecessary fillers? Is self-doubt useful?

YouTube - For E: "Can You Address Jealousy, Infidelity and Feelings of Betrayal in Relationships?" at around 2:13

P.S. It appears someone beat me to this Language Log: I mean, you know Interesting indeed.

[MetaCognition]

I would often joke with my friend about people who constantly had to finish each sentence with: "you know what I'm saying?"

There's one thing I've learned when it comes to communication: be confident. That doesn't mean be arrogant or unwilling to back down, but always remain calm and confident in what you have to say.

Since our brains all work in the same manner, and every individual being is programmed in the same core ways, confidence is key because every ego is at it's core insecure. It does not know if what it's saying has any worth at all, hence it constantly needs to be reassured and told that everything is ok.

Being confident in all you do, in a non-egoic manner (aka don't walk around with the attitude of I'm better than you, because that's just another form of insecurity) shines like a light and all beings, consciously or unconsciously, recognize it in the same way that they recognize the self-doubt that comes with "you know" and "I mean."

[Quantamama]

Yes, I agree, these phrases do add a sense of doubt. Doubt that the audience understands what I'm saying, or that I fully understand what I'm saying.

"Are these two useful tools in a conversation, or unnecessary fillers?"
I think that for many, they're simply conversational habits. You know what I'm talking about? lol They can be useful tools if used precisely.

"I mean" can be used to clarify or enhance the meaning. And it can also be used to completely flip-flop when the speaker has misspoken.

"You know" can be used to check for comprehension, but it's most often met with a polite nod, whether the recipients actually get the point being made or not. Which makes it less than perfect.

"Is self-doubt useful?"
I feel that doubt can be dangerous, but uncertainty can allow new ideas in.