Forum Wrapper

[Montana Keith]

Keith's Meditation Session of Sunday morning, February 1, 2009:

I don't know if this is really a success story or not. However, I thought I'd do my best at putting into words how my meditation session unfolded this morning. My writing style here reflects the “constantly moving and shifting inner world" that I am experiencing as I meditate at this stage of my life. Anyway, welcome to my inner world . . .

. . . listening to LifeFlow 2 . . . repeating my mantra of: “whoosh, whoosh . . . hush, hush . . Breathing in . . . releasing and letting go on the out breath . . . noticing thoughts appearing . . . noticing bodily sensations—felt senses—that are present . . . tightness in middle upper back . . . “interested curiosity” . . . mmm, I wonder what I'm holding onto . . . thoughts began to link and connect . . . I repeat a line from my personal creed: “I am surrendering and letting go of my will—allowing God to express in and through me now. I am one with God.” . . . God??? . . . mmm . . . more “thought linkage” . . . I wonder who read my post on “Finding the Real You” . . . 75 views, no comments . . . Oh, back to my mantra . . . breath . . . let go . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . hush, hush . . . allowing, releasing, letting go . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . imagining images of light breezes playing and dancing through leaves of trees . . . of ripples of wind moving gracefully through empty fields of prairie grass . . . breath in and out . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . hush, hush (be still) . . . whoosh . . . hush (be still) . . . noticing tightness in upper middle back . . . itch on left ear . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . hush, hush . . . noticing the “usual” band of tightness--that pressing weight of “loose density” on the right side of my chest at heart level--has moved upward . . . mmm, how very interesting . . . and has “settled???” in my upper chest . . . Oh, back to: whoosh, whoosh . . . hush, hush . . . and I ask this “new” upper chest location bodily sense: “How would you like me . . . “me,” who's this me that chooses to speak??? . . . to be for and with you now? . . . Rumi's poem “The Guesthouse” . . . Gendlin's comment: “I'm the house, not the host.” . . . wondering again . . . who is this “me” who speaks??? . . . the host??? . . .

I decide to finish this meditation session with the “focusing process” . . . noticing and allowing “guests” to be . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . hush, hush . . . noticing and allowing possible linkages between bodily sensations and beliefs . . . I wonder . . . hush, hush . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . sitting with and allowing ALL my “guests” simply to be . . . Here's some of my “guests” on my guest list this morning:

--the “teacher,” the one who is writing now, the one who is constantly wondering: “How might I best share and teach this?”

--the “sad & wounded part,” I feel the sorrow sitting heavily in my upper chest area.

--the “resistant part,” It is manifesting as tightness and stuckness in my upper middle back.

--the “criticizing part,” “Oh, you're never going to get this. Besides, you're not doing it 'right' anyway. You're 'suppose' to be meditating now. But no, you've slipped into focusing. AND, I don't think you're even doing that right.

--the “hopeless part,” “Maybe this criticizing part is right. Maybe 'I' will never get 'it' . . . whatever 'it' is.”

--the “smiling encouraging part,” “Oh, you're doing just fine. Don't be so hard on yourself. You can do this. You ARE doing this.

--the “fearful scared part,” “If I just let go won't I die? What will happen to me? What will happen to ALL of us? HOLD ON FOR DEAR LIFE!!! We don't want to die, do we?

--the “uncertain not-knowing part,” “I don't know . . . mmm . . . I just don't know.”

. . . hush, hush . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . Oh—as Rumi wrote in his poem “The Guesthouse,” what “a crowd of sorrows” . . . I'm noticing and allowing . . . but, am I welcoming too??? . . . mmm, I don't know about that . . . am I willing for this moment . . . for this moment only . . . to simply step away from the central position—the central throne—and allow God . . . I don't need to explain. Just believe, just imagine: a state, a Being, a personality-like warmth of LOVE, of TRUTH, of LIGHT of acceptance, of unconditional love and warm friendship . . . my LORD, my LORD . . . hush, hush . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . You know, if ALL my guests are trying to speak at once, then, there's only mass confusion . . . I wonder . . . “Who most needs the 'talking stick' now? . . . asking all my “guests” if for this moment, just for this moment, we can all sit in silent expectancy, in patience, and just wait for “someone” or “something” to . . . I don't really know what I'm trying to say . . . to ALL allow this “part,” this “something” here whose story needs to be heard in this moment . . . to provide ALL our listening presence . . . so that in hearing and allowing this “story” to be told, “next steps” will appear for ALL of us to move forward . . . waiting patiently . . . allowing . . . hush, hush . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . and now . . . noticing and allowing the “part” in me, this “something” in me of: “uncertainty” of “not-knowing” to have the . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . “talking stick” . . . of sensing that in this moment ALL parts of me are willingly being quiet . . . are being still . . . hush, hush . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . allowing “it,” welcoming “it” to the best of ALL our ability in this moment . . . of acknowledging and accepting that “NOT-KNOWING” is okay . . . It's okay to be “uncertain” . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . hush, hush . . . be still and know I am God . . . whoosh, whoosh . . . hush, hush . . .

And as this session draws to a close, I take a few moments to acknowledge and thank all the “guests” who participated in this process. I'll be back. I promise. I'll be back.