The more I meditate, the more I can see my goals changing into acceptance of what
is. There are things I still want to attrack, but these « wants » seem to be more in resonance with to good of my family, less centered on mere ego needs. I feel my power to attrack things I want is more powerful since I meditate. But there is something greater than just the ego (although it includes it) that operates. A force,
intelligence far greater than mine. As I start to
surrender to it,
to what it wants from me, the things that I want to attrack are for the good, for the growth of my soul. So I don't see a contradiction between the Secret and Meditation: just a power increased by meditation.
I also have renounced to fully understand these things on the « though » level. When you surrender to a greater force, your true self, many intellectual debates are not necessary anymore: they emanate from the mind while what I am trying to be a vehicle for is pure consciousness, a presence without words. Words are just pointers, useful sometimes, but just pointers. To get lost in our minds is the trap to avoid. With total humility I am trying to
let the force work through me. And I have noticed that, when I need the mind to express something, it is now more clear and powerful, a tool that can become very effective. Teaching at University, I can assure you I experienced quite a struggle over this issue. I feel now my lectures are more clear. God it's pathetic to see how the ego, even if very sophisticated, can become a dead end, so full of itself, full of vanity «
my research » «
my book », with to little respect and true interest in others. I thought I should quit, that meditation was becoming incompatible with my job. Now I simply ask the Force to use me in order to help students to grow. This force knows better, and as I said, knows how to use the mind in such a sharp and effective way.
