I have gone through some hard times with my wife over the past years.
Even tho we were both convinced that we could work things out, there have been times where we completely lost each other.
It took me quite a while to notice something, but after that it got better:
The only person you can work on, is yourself.
The only person you can improve in a relationship, is yourself.
The only way to change an arguement, is to change yourself *
In a time where I was so fed up with the relationship we were having that I had trouble even lying next to her in the same bed, I got out of bed and whent downstairs. She was asleep, and never noticed me going down in the middle of the night.
Instead of refusing to go to bed, I did something I had never done before with my wife: I wrote her a letter.
I wrote down my feelings, everything, but I started and ended the letter with: I love you ! Everything in between was written in a loving, considerate way, but they were my true emotions. In the letter I expressed hope for our relationship, but also what was tearing me apart.
My wife cried when she had read the letter, but she wrote me one back a day later ( and we moved on that whole day as if nothing had occurred, really weird... ) and after about 2 weeks of writing letters, they had become loveletters again, and we started really talking to each other.
A few weeks ago we had our 9th wedding aniversary
Why am I telling you this:
I could have also decided to give up that night, and tell my wife the next morning that I wanted to break up with her.
I realised that I could not change her, I could only change myself, and how I looked at the relationship. If he feels the way he does, you can never change that. Change the way you feel, work on becoming a better person in your relationship, fight for it.
If in the end you still end up breaking up, you will at least break up with mutual respect for each other.
Pollyanna had a really good point about the gratitude exercise.
It makes you thankfull for the things you do have, and makes you feel better.
I hope you will work things out !
* With changing myself in an arguement I don't mean I want to give in on everything, or allow everything... I just want to look at the bigger picture, me being right doesn't nesseceraly make everything right between us. Do try to maintain your values, but don't try to make your point just for being right.
