Hello volcom!
I just read this topic and I think I have something to add. When I was younger, starting at like 13-14 I had problems with acne. At first it wasn't so bad, I could live with it but it kept getting worse.
So in a nutshell by the time I was 18 it was really bad. I went on that satanic drug accutane and that's when stuff got real bad. My face just like exploded with these huge cystic acne spots and it was down right traumatizing. I mean it took all of my strength just to go out in public and my self worth and confidence just evaporated. The only thing that kept me going was that more breakouts was normal in the first few months of taking this drug then it all clears up. At the time it seemed absolutely impossible for my face to clear up, it was SO bad. I started thinking of myself as ugly and deformed and just like, alone, worthless. It was real bad.
So it all eventually cleared up which was nothing short of a miracle, but it left scars behind. Great, I thought, now I don't have acne, just big weird scars all over the place! So I have been living with them ever since, I'm 21 now.
Needless to say I developed some serious social anxiety from a relatively young age. I didn't like being close to other people's faces, like talking and stuff, I couldn't imagine any girl wanting to kiss me with my face all messed up, I just felt like an outcast because I had yet to see anyone with as bad a case as I had.
But then something strange happened, I just kind of let go. It was like someone poked an anxiety filled balloon inside me and I just gave up caring about the scars, what people thought of me, what they were saying about me behind my back, how I looked, all of it. I realized there was nothing I could do about it and I just couldn't keep worrying about it, it was just too much. Since then not a single person has asked me what the scars are from, I don't see anyone scanning my face while I am talking to them, they always look me straight in the eyes, and it just generally is like they don't exist. Now they have healed a fair amount in the last few years so they aren't massive or crazy or anything, but they are still clearly visible and every once in awhile I catch myself looking in a mirror cursing the damn things, but then I remember that drug cured my acne, like 99.5 percent, forever. Also I avoided pretty much all of the horrible possible side effects, so I really am grateful despite my face still recovering. Having acne that bad really left me in a battle with my identity and mind, and without it I would never have questioned who "I" am.
Whew, kinda rambled on there, but anyway as far as the meaning of life goes, the conclusion I have come to after looking at what like every other being on the planet does, is that the main meaning of life is to procreate and help ensure the survival of your species, after that pretty much anything is fair game. Just being alive and able to see, smell, take a deep breath, and interact with our own species and our own mind is the miracle of my life! Life just seems to short to worry about why it exists or what I'm supposed to do. Give yourself a break!!! There was something I read somewhere that marked a big change in my progress, that being your own best friend is a lot better than your own drill sergeant. I was a drill sergeant all the way, being really demanding and expecting perfection from myself and it just held me back and compounded my problems. As soon as I backed off and gave myself a rest it like opened the flood gates.
I hope that helps, just know that you are never alone!
Peace!
Chris
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