Hello KlassicJazz. Let me try and she some light on this. I know initially you want it so bad. You want everything to work. You want your dreams to come true. You want to be succesfull. You want want want which is normal in the beginning. I have been using and practicing the Law of Attraction since June this year and some pretty remarkable things have happened.
It sounds like you want everything so much and your are waiting for it to manifest outside in your life so you can be happy. From what I gather the way you are going about practicing the LOA is reversed. You want something. The feeling of wanting something will bring nothing more than continued wanting. This is normal in the beginning. Try this. For about 20-30 minutes a day sit back and imagine the life you want. Imagine everything so clearly and feel it. Any senses you can feel while your imagining will help develop a clearer picture. When you're imagining this lifestyle you are not wanting it, your are actually feeling it and living it now. Your subconscious can't tell what is real or not. This is where you true power is...it lies within the subconscious. After about a half an hour take a deep breath and throughout the day think about what you are grateful for. Don't think about wanting but if you can't help it and you find yourself focusing on wanting your goals, close your eyes and imagine again that you have it. Daydream about it. But don't stress out on how it is going to manifest or why it is taking so long.
You may be trying too hard. Just relaxe and everything will be shown to you. Everything that is necessary will show up. Don't get caught up in the mental dialogue of "am I supposed to do it this way", "what can I do", "am I doing everything right". The main focus in the LOA is to feel good now.
This is what I do.
-Meditation 20-30 minutes
When I meditate I don't try to do anything or try to silence my mind or anything. I just sit there and listen to whats going on in my head. Many people approach meditation differently. To me the silence I seek is not not having any word in my mind but empowering the watcher. When you watch your thoughts you become familiar to the watcher. The more you do this the watcher becomes more apparent. The silence I feel is the gap between the watcher and my thoughts. When you watch your thoughts naturally your mind also becomes a tad bit quieter which feels great. But even when your mind is racing you want to feel that silence. That silence is the gap between the thoughts and the real you. Again I want to stress this alot...don't try too hard. Just sit there and listen to your thoughts. Everything else will come. Yes you will hear thoughts like, "this is stupid", "what the hell am I doing", "why am I listening to my thoughts, my thoughts are me". Just listen. That's all.
-Visualization 20-30 Minutes
This is where you visualize your intentions. Daydream and feel everything in detail. Picture what you are going to do with the money, how you are going to share it with family and friends, how the service you provide will make people smile, picture yourself smiling. You will know when you are doing it right because you will start smiling and lauging as if everything is really happening.
-Gratitude 5-15 minutes
After visualization think of everything you have and really focused on feeling grateful.
That's it. Then go about your day saying thank as much as you can. Feel it. Don't stress on when your goals will come. Just focus on feeling good. This allows everything good to come to you. You will start noticing little things show up and everything will fall into place.
As far as smoking a bowl here and there, I don't know what impact that has. I would try to be sober while you meditate and visualize. Don't stress out about it. If you want to blaze up blaze up. If it were some other type of drug I would be more concerned. If it is interfering then you will naturally stop. It won't be as fun. I used to party all the time and smoke and drink but all those things naturally just became not enjoyable for me. Now I like being able to feel everything and being sober allows me to feel the good emotions more intensely surprisingly enough. If smoking is making you become lazy and really interfering and you feel something inside of you telling you its time to quit listen to that voice.
All in all, just relaxe and don't be so hard on yourself. The harder you are on yourself the less you are in tune with the Universe because if you are in the right frequency everything will feel natural and harmonious. Hope this helps.
One more piece of advice. Don't get caught up if something happens that causes you to be dissapointed and you start feeling things aren't working. For instance...I had a goal to make a certain amount of money. At my job I was offered and new position with higher pay which brought me close to my goal. Right when I was about to get hired things didn't work out and I was so dissapointed. I thought I did something to mess it up by incorrectly thinking or something. Then 3 months later another position opened up which was even better with more income. I interviewed and got it. Turned out to be significantly more income and a much higher skill level which looks great on my resume. This was in January. 3 weeks ago I was just notified that i will be moving to an even better position with potentially even more income...about 20K more a year. My point is at times when it seems like things aren't working out this is not the case. We only see the surface and sometimes it can be deceiving but trust that something beneath the surface is about to manifest and the Universe knows exactly the best time to bring it to you, the best route for it to be delivered, and exactly what you need.
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