Hello everyone. I decided to post here my own experience. I am around 20 years old and I've been fighting against compulsion and a short attention span. It is so severe that I haven't managed to get a job so far. Nor I feel motivated to. I'm delusional of mankind in general: my impression is that people around me have a rotten heart, and they will treat people different from them as inferior beings; I also notice that me being in the presence of these people influence me negatively, and sometimes I see myself judging people when I should not, and I don't feel I have the strength to face them. So I usually prefer to stay away.
I also have a "blocked mind". I can write well, but when I speak to people, my mind "blocks", and I lack the same fluency I do in written texts. Additionally, I can't picture things when I'm awake, but sometimes, when I'm about to go asleep, I can see lucid pictures.
Noticing I had these problems, I tried self-help behavioral therapy. It did work wonders for my panic attacks, but I didn't feel motivated to log all my feelings, and I obviously made no further progress.
I had tried meditation before, as a kid. So I decided to try it again, but applied to these kinds of compulsions and my short attention span. So, after subscribing, I received an email with this piece of conversation:
You may be experiencing an inner calm and feelings of happiness.
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Originally Posted by Support email
You may become aware for the first time of all the busy sub-conscious thoughts that never let up asking you questions - criticizing and judging you - often chipping away at your self-esteem. [...]
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I pictured myself in a similar situation - I knew my toughts were already there, but I didn't feel the "click" on how they could be cloudering my creativity. I do face a dilemma: should I let these criticizing go, and never question them, or question them and try to learn from them, at the expense of a great emotional breakdown? I guess the biggest problem here is on how I'm being emotionally affected by them, so the best I can think of now is to accept them and don't get too emotionally distressed.
Your comments on this subject would be greatly appreciated.
